I Could Cry...

Okay, so I'll admit it, I have cried...a lot...at the mere thought that my maternity leave is coming to an end in a short three weeks.  I can't believe that it has been 9 1/2 weeks since I had my precious little boy.  These weeks have flown by!  I have watched him grow and he is starting to develop a little bit of a personality.  He is a very calm and easy-going baby (unless he's hungry!).  He has been sleeping through the night for about 4 weeks now and by sleeping through the night, I'm talking 9pm-6am.  He doesn't make a peep when we swaddle him and put him in his crib.  I am suprised at how easy the transition was to move him from the bassinet in our room to his crib.  We have a video monitor and I sometimes just lay in bed and watch him sleep.  He is so precious :)

This time that I have spent at home has been truly amazing and an experience.  Yes, our house is a disaster but I could care less.  There have been days where I haven't left the couch except to use the bathroom, eat or change Dylan's diaper.  And for those who judge...who cares!  I only get 12 weeks to soak up every single second with my son and if that means the house doesn't get cleaned, then so be it!  I am never going to get these moments back and I am so happy I choose to stare into his precious blue eyes instead of cleaning.  I am starting to balance being a mother and cleaning though.  Since I am able to put him in his crib upstairs for naps (and watch him on the monitor), I can now focus on getting some housework done while he sleeps. 

I had this vision when I was pregnant that because I was going to be off during the summer (and not the crazy hot months), we would spend every day outside at the pool.  Well...we haven't made it to the pool and yesterday was the first day we actually sat outside (Dylan and Parker in the shade, of course).  I really haven't had the desire to go outside much (Parker does get walked every day in the mornings though) but now that I only have 2 1/2 weeks left, I'm starting to feel like we should be spending every waking moment outside.  I'm thinking we'll  be going to the community pool today!!

I know this post is kind of all over the place, but it's nice to kind of just get my thoughts out right now.

Okay...so back to this whole crying thing.  I've found that lately I am crying every time I think about leaving Dylan at daycare.  So many thoughts go through my head. "Is he going to get enough attention?" "because he's an easy baby, are they just going to stick him on the floor and tend to the other babies?" "Will they know what he wants when he gets upset?" "What if something happens?  Will they tell me?"  Ugh...and the dreaded first day...every mother has told me that I will cry all the way to work on the first day...ummm...I'll have a two hour commute that first day and will be riding the train with thousands of other people.  I am going to be a mess!!  I always thought that when I had kids that I would easily go back to work because I could never imagine myself being a stay at home mom but now that Dylan is here, I can't think of anything else I would want to do except stay at home and raise my son.  I don't want someone else watching him and potentially seeing him roll over for the first time or take his first step or say his first word.  It breaks my heart to think that someone else might experience that...I am the one that's supposed to experience that!  I guess what's helping me get through this is someone on the forum that I'm a part of said to tell the daycare provider to not tell you if he does any of those things so then when you see or hear it for the first time, I will actually think it's the first time and I can then experience it. 

Dylan, please understand that I have chosen to go back to work so that I can provide you with a life we feel you deserve.  I am sacrafising time with you.  Know that I will regret every moment I don't spend with you but the time I do spend with you, I will make the most of it.  It makes my heart melt as I listen to you "talking" back to me and when you give me the biggest gummiest smile ever!  It is so cute how you can now follow me and you look for me when I start to walk away.  Yesterday while you were laying on the mat, Parker was walking by you and you followed him...it was awesome!  You are standing up on our laps like crazy.  You have to be facing outward with your back not touching our stomachs and if you are touching our stomachs, you definitely let us know that you hate that!  You are starting to drool a little but I'm sure it's nothing compared to what will come.  You love to hang out on my shoulder looking behind me while I walk around.  It is definitely your "spot".  We took you for your very first walk in the carrier yesterday and you absolutely loved it.  It was awesome watching you take in the world around you and just sitting there so content.

As I sit here typing this, staring at you sleep on the video monitor, I can truly say that I am blessed with the most precious gift in the world...a son!  Your grandmother loved your father more than anyone can ever understand and their bond was so amazing.  I hope that we have a relationship that reflects theirs.  I love you with all of my heart, little boy!!!

2 months old!

Okay, so he won't be 2 months until the 24th but he'll be 8 weeks old tomorrow and we had his 2 month well check today.  Dylan is a growing little boy!  Here are his stats:

Weight
Birth: 7 pounds 10 ounces
2 weeks: 9 pounds 6.5 ounces
2 months: 12 pounds 3.1 ounces (73%)

Height
Birth: 20.5 inches
2 weeks: 22 1/4 inches
2 months: 24 inches (91%)

Dylan loves tummy time!  He's getting soooo good at it!  Thursday, June 16th, 2011, Dylan rolled over for the first time!  He was on flat surface and he rolled to his left.  It seriously brought tears to my eyes!!  He did it again yesterday too!

These past 8 weeks have flown by so quickly.  You never truely understand how fast it goes but until you have your own child and experience it.  I'm pretty much going to ramble now because there's so much to talk about and I'm no good at writing :)
-#1:  I love breastfeeding.  It's an amazing feeling to know that I am the one providing nutrients to help him grow.  It also is a special time that only Dylan and I can share.  I never really thought I would ever love BF but I do.  It's become something very natural.
-#2: Since day one, there has not been a single day where Dylan has woken me up to eat in the middle of the night.  I have always had to wake him.  Until about 2 weeks ago, I was still waking him up every 4-5 hours in the middle of the night to feed him.  I finally realized that he was barely eating anything and was super sleepy during the whole feeding.  So we decided to just let him sleep through the night and HE DID!  He's been consistently sleeping 9-10 hours every night.  It would be amazing expect for the fact that I still have to get up and pump in the middle of the night!  I'm hoping that I'll cut out that middle of the night feeding a week before I go back to work just so I'm well rested when I go back. 
-#3: He is ALL smiles!  No matter what kind of day I have, I just look at him and he gives me the biggest smile!  It just melts my heart!
-#4:  Parker and Dylan are already the best of friends!  Any time I get the tummy time mat out and put Dylan down, Parker is right there by his side, watching him with his loving eyes!
-#5: He did a really good job today getting his shots.  I think I might have cried longer and harder than he did.  Him and Daddy are now napping on the couch :)

I have never had so much love in my heart for someone so little.  With every day that passes, there is a new smile, a new "coo" and I am so happy that I am getting to experience them.  It is going to be very hard when I go back to work in exactly a month, but I know if I want to give him everything in life, it is something that has to be done.  I have so many years to enjoy this little boy and I am so ready to soak up as much as I possibly can.

Dylan, you are so little, yet you take up a large part of my heart.  I will love you forever and ever little man ;)

5 weeks!

Baby Highlights:

How old is Baby?: 5 weeks 2 days

Name: Dylan Joseph

Date of birth: April 24th

Weight: 7#10oz at birth (9#6.5oz on May 19th)

Height: 20.5 inches at birth (22.5 inches on May 19th)

Breast or Bottle?: breast

Clothes Size: 0-3 months

New Milestones: he's really starting to smile every time we talk to him!

Milestones you think LO is close to: finding his voice

Sleeping (long stretches, STTN etc): STTN

Favorite activity/toy: he loves the little animals on the PNP.  he can stare at them forever....he is right now :)

Best part about being a mom? getting to spend all my time with him and watching his little personality blossom

This week we: are having Grandma (my mom) stay with  us all week and tomorrow we're having a lunch/playdate with two of my friends from HS that recently had babies

One month!

Can you believe it, because I sure can't!  Our little Dylan is one month old today.  When people say "enjoy every minute because it will fly by", they really weren't kidding.  I felt like it was just last week that I was in the hospital in labor with him.  He has brought so much joy to our lives and couldn't be happier! 

Since I had a c-section, I couldn't do anything for the first 3 weeks except lift the baby.  I definitely wasn't complaining because I got to really focus on him and learn with him.  Jason really was an amazing support person those first two weeks.  He did pretty much everything except boob feed the baby (he did give him the occasional bottle though).  I could not have asked for a better friend, husband and father of my child.  He may not have thought that he did much, but he did more than anyone could have done.  Jason, thank you!  The third week Jill came and stayed with me since Jason had to go back to work and I still couldn't do anything.  She made sure I was fed and the house was picked up.  Probably the most attention our house has ever received in one week :)  Jill, thank you for staying with me!!

Okay...so back to Dylan.  Since the first night we got home, he has been pretty much on the same schedule.  He sleeps very well during the night...so well that every single feeding, I have to wake him.  Now that he's a little older and we had his one month well check, I have been letting him sleep 5 hours at night.  Our days start anywhere between 6-7am, I feed him and then we fall back asleep for 2 hours in bed.  After that nap, he lays in the papizan chair while I shower then I change him and feed him.  Then he's awake for about 2 hours (sometimes longer) just hanging out.  We usually take Parker for a walk around this time so Dylan just sits in his carseat while we walk around the neighborhood.  Dylan eats and sleeps for the next few hours and then Jason gets home around 5 or 6.  Dylan gets a little fussy around this time, but by fussy I mean he just wants to eat every hour and be held.  By 9 or 10pm we all head to bed and start the cycle all over again.  I'm just waiting for that night where he doesn't want to go back to sleep but it hasn't happened.  He has really made this whole mom thing super easy and I couldn't be happier. 

Parker has been an amazing dog this past month. He absolutely loves Dylan.  Any time we do tummy time, Parker is right there laying his head next to him wondering why he can't play with him.  He just gives him big kisses and Dylan loves them!  I can't wait until Dylan gets older and is able to interact with Parker more.  They are already BFFs and their bond will only grow stronger and he grows!

So here are his stats at his one month well check (April 19th)...
Weight: 9 pounds 6.5 ounces (7 pounds 10 ounces at birth)
Height: 22.5 inches (20.5 inches at birth)
The Pedi is very pleased with Dylan's growth and says we're doing an awesome job!

Here is a picture of Dylan from this past weekend (sorry, can't get the picture to change...I'll upload more pictures later):

3 weeks!

Baby Highlights:

How old is Baby?: 3 weeks 2 days

Name: Dylan Joseph

Date of birth:  April 24th

Weight: 7lb 10oz at birth.  we have our 1 month appt on thurs!

Height: 20.5in at birth

Breast or Bottle?: Breast

Clothes Size: NB

New Milestones:  He smiles at me :)

Milestones you think LO is close to:  Holding his head up longer than 5 seconds

Sleeping (long stretches, STTN etc): i think he would STTN if I let him.  He usually goes 4-5 hours at night and a few 1-2 hour naps during the day

Favorite activity/toy: tummy time and kisses from Parker, our 1 year old Lab

Best part about being a mom? Knowing that this is a life that my husband and I created.  We are responsible for him.  I love being the one that has to feed him because I feel a very strong bond with him

This week we: have Dylan's 1 month Pedi appt, I can finally drive so I'm going to try and go out with just Dylan and I. :)

Dylan's Birth Story

Thursday (4/21/11) was our weekly appointment to the doctor and I was only 1cm dilated and 50% effaced.  I hadn’t had any BH contractions, no loss of MP, no drop of the baby, nothing to tell me I was close to having him.  I was feeling pretty down in the dumps because I was just over being pregnant at this point.  The doctor definitely brightened my day when she did a quick u/s to see Dylan’s position.  Friday (4/22/11) Jason and I decided to rent a movie just to kind of relax knowing my due date was in two days.  We rented Country Strong (which was a really good movie) and ended up in bed by 10pm.  I made one of my nightly trips to the bathroom around midnight…nothing.  Then, what felt like 2 minutes but was actually 45 minutes, I woke up feeling like I was starting to pee myself.  I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could while trying to “hold it in” but by the time I went to pull down my pants, my water broke all over my pants, the toilet and the floor.  I just sat there for a second thinking, “Is this really happening right now?!”  I yelled in to Jason saying my water broke and of course he was like “how do you know?!”  Well…the fact that I couldn’t hold it in and it was A LOT of “pee” and it was clear definitely confirmed it was AF. We called the doctor and let him know.  He said we didn’t have to run any red lights to get to the hospital but we should head in since my water broke.  So, I showered, straightened my hair and ate a little breakfast.

On the way to the hospital I experienced my first real contraction. We arrived at the hospital around 2:45am.  All the nurses were like “we’ve been waiting for you!”.  They got me all checked in and checked me…no change.  They hooked me up to receive IV fluids (standard for when water breaks).  My nurse told me the doctor was giving me until 5am and if I had no progression, they would start pitocin.  Well, my contractions weren’t really picking up and I hadn’t changed so at 5am the nurse started the pitocin drip on the lowest dose.  I knew every time the nurse came in she was upping the pitocin drip but I didn’t say anything because the pain was manageable.  BTW…I wanted a natural childbirth.  At 7am there was a shift change so I got a new nurse and a new doctor.  I was okay with this because it was one of my favorite doctors, Dr. W! I bounced on the birthing ball, tried standing and swaying my hips, and laid in the bed.  Around 10am the pain was getting to be a bit unbearable.  At this point I made the decision to have an analgesic (can’t remember the name of the medicine) to help take the edge off.  Basically I slept in between my contractions.  When a contraction would pick up, Jason was right there reading the monitor and letting me know when the contraction peaked and was starting to decrease.  This really helped me get through the tough ones.  From 10am to 3:30pm it was all a blur.  I had my eyes closed the entire time, I would rest and then a contraction would come and I would breathe through them as best I could.  I later found out that they had upped my pitocin to a 20, which is the highest they’d go for someone with no pain meds.  From the 10am-3:30pm window, I received two of the analgesics.  When they checked me at 3:30pm, I was only 5cm dilated and 100% effaced and still a 0 station.  At this point the doctor was worried Dylan may not fit through my pelvis since he was still high.  Because I had already labored for 12 hours, I decided to get the epidural in hopes it would relax my body and I would open up.  My anesthesiologist was the head of the department and he did an amazing job.  I didn’t feel a single thing…expect for the back to back contractions I was having!  Once I received the epi, Jason pretty much had to tell me when I was having a contraction because I couldn’t feel anything!  I was finally able to visit with my family that drove in for the birth.   Again, at 7pm there was another shift change for the nurse.  When my third nurse came in, she was like “you’re still here?!” “yeah, I’m still here!”  At 7:30pm the doctor checked me and I was at 9cm, 0 station.  Again, he was nervous that Dylan wouldn’t fit.  Finally at 9:30pm I was 10cm still 0 station and I could start pushing around 10:30pm!!  They turned my epi off and immediately I started feeling my intense contractions again.  Right before I started pushing, they turned it back on but it definitely didn’t help because I could still feel them.  Because he hadn’t dropped yet, at every push I felt like I was crushing him and the pain in my upper stomach hurt worse than the actual pushing.  My contractions were coming every 3-5 minutes so it was pretty boring in between pushes.  At this point, I just wanted to push until he came out!  So from 10:30pm until 1am I pushed and pushed but nothing happened.  Well something happened…I pooped all over the bed…eeeeewww!  My nurse ended up getting the charge nurse at this point and she had me push and nothing was changing.  Then the doctor came in, checked me and told me I was “shucked”.  Apparently that meant that he wasn’t coming out vaginally and they prepped me for an emergency c-section since it had already been over 24 hours since my water broke.  It was the scariest thing I have ever been through but I knew it was the only decision and it had to be done.  Jason was absolutely amazing and stayed strong during this scary time.  He doesn’t do well with blood, needles, etc so for him to stay calm for me really truly shows what an amazing person he is.  He ran out and told all of my family, who had been there since 10am, that I was going in for a c-section.  They brought me into the operating room, got me all set up and brought in Jason.  At 1:18am Dylan was born!  About 30 seconds later I heard the most precious little cry I have ever heard.  He scored a 9 and a 9 on his APGAR so I was very pleased.  He weighed 7lbs 10oz and was 20.5 inches long.  Jason went over and cut the cord and stayed with him while they cleaned him off.  They brought him over to me and he looked so peaceful.  The doctor told me that my pelvis is too small to vaginally deliver.  He said that normally when he does a c-section after someone was pushing, he has to extract the baby out of the pelvis area and poor Dylan hadn’t even made it that far.  Basically his head was bouncing on my pelvis bone the whole time.  Definitely explains why I never dropped! 

After being in labor for 25 hours, trying to go natural, getting an epidural and then a c-section, I feel I have experienced every aspect of childbirth that I could ever imagine.  Knowing that I can never vaginally deliver is a little sad, but at least next time around we’ll know we don’t have to go through another full day of labor!  I wouldn’t change any of it!

When I was in recovery, we noticed that his tongue wasn’t fully extending and he had a little divot in the front of his tongue.  We were told he was tongue tied.  Over the few days we were in the hospital we kept an eye on it but he was latching beautifully and they weren’t too concerned but recommended we see an ENT once we were released.  We were released on 4/27 and saw the specialist on 4/28.  She told us that he had a pretty severe tongue tie and that she could fix it right then and there.  We decided to go ahead with the procedure.  So, I went in the room with the doctor and nurse while they performed the procedure and once they were done, I had to hold pressure with a gauze under his tongue for 10 minutes.  Dylan slept through the whole thing!!  He made it so easy for me.  He is no longer tongue tied and latches even better than before. 

He is truly a miracle and I can’t even imagine life without him.  I look down at him while he feeds and I can’t help but get all teary eyed at the thought that Jason and I created him.  WE made this little person and he is ours for the rest of our lives.  We are absolutely head over heels in love with him and cannot wait to watch him grow.

Got to see the little man today!

Well we had our 39 week (and 4 days) appointment today!  I have progressed from last week.  Last week I was 50% effaced and my cervix was starting to soften.  Well today that was the same but I am now 1.5 (almost 2) cm dilated! YAY!!!  The doctor said that things are definitely starting to happen and now it's just a matter of time...but obviously we have no idea when that'll be!  When she was determining if he was head down, she said she wanted to do an u/s just to make sure he really is head down.  Apparently he's kind of cock-eyed in there and not completely straight head down.  He's head down, but just needs to adjust himself a little which she said he'll do once I go into labor.  We didn't get to see his little face because he's looking face down (which is how we want him to be) but we did get to see his little hands, feet, heart, spine, ribs, etc.  It's amazing that there is a little tiny body inside of me.  It brought tears to my eyes to see my little man even if I didn't get to see his face.  Everything looked great.  I went into my appt almost in tears because I'm so over being pregnant but I walked out the happiest person alive! 

I just can't believe that I am about to become a mother.  Never in a million years did I ever dream of loving someone so much and so deeply before they were ever born.  He has changed our lives forever and he's not even here yet.  I was sitting at the kitchen counter last night staring at Parker sleeping on Jason's leg and I was tearing up because I cannot imagine loving someone more than I love Parker.  This past year has been so awesome having a little puppy grow up to a "mature" dog.  He loves us unconditionally and always puts a smile on our faces.  I was thinking how am I going to love our son 10 billion times more but the thing is, I already do!  To feel him move inside of me for the past 5 months has been an experience in itself.  It's so fun to sit on the couch and have Jason put his hand on my belly and him freaking out "what is he doing in there?!  OMG, he's moving around like crazy!"  It's so awesome that he is able to feel him move and know the experience that I am having inside of me.  I'm sure I will miss all the kicking and moving around in there but I am so looking forward to getting to hold my child and look into his eyes!  Ugh...melts my heart already!  Alright...enough of the sappy stuff :)